


Between Wolf And Dog

by Paranoid_android09



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Lie Low At Lupin's, M/M, Multi, OotP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-06-06 19:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15201719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paranoid_android09/pseuds/Paranoid_android09
Summary: entre chien et loup: (literally) between a dog and a wolf, (by extension, idiomatic) At dusk, at twilight; gloaming.





	1. Prologue - July 1993

Remus Lupin was broken, he felt terrible waking up and most of it was probably due to yesterday's transformation. Getting up from his mattress he knocked over a glass vial and it fell to the floor shattered in pieces letting go some blue smoke as the substance evaporated. There goes my last Wolfsbane he thought. under the effects of the potion, last nights events were coming back to him easily. he felt alone, angry and most of all hungry. It was never a good idea to endure a transformation on an empty stomach, but Remus Lupin would sacrifice his meals for a vial of Wolfsbane every time. Getting up from the old mattress he tried to clean the shattered glasses from the floor, he took his wand and cast a simple cleaning spell, he finally proceeded to dress himself in plain muggle clothing. Feeling his stomach growling he walked into the small bathroom and looked himself in the mirror, his once auburn hair was closer to grey with each passing year, dark circles and bags under his eyes, he even saw some new wrinkles in his forehead. He washed himself quickly and headed out of the small apartment to get to work. 

He had just woken up, still he felt tired, he felt tired for the last 13 years, he tried to remember of the time he thought he had everything, his friends, his lover, his sense of purpose.He tried to remember their faces, James untidy black hair, Lily's green eyes, Peters short posture, Fabians nose. "They're gone" he murmured to himself "they're gone and they're not coming back". Lupin entered the small muggle bookstore, kindly greeted the owner trying to ignore his remarks about his shabby appearance and got to work. He loved this small bookstore and he loved this job, in the Muggle world no one cares that you're a werewolf, if only it paid enough. He needed the money for the Wolfsbane potion, he needed the Wolfsbane potion so he could be functioning all days of the month, he needed to be able to function properly in order to keep even the most low paying jobs and gigs he could find. Every now and then he would not be able to procure the potion and then he would spend two days after his transformation in utter misery, of course not being able to go to work after the violent transformation had cost him more and more jobs. He sometimes had told himself that he wasn't living in poverty but simplicity, then again he never thought of himself as deluded.

Leaving work Remus bought some takeaway and headed home, he felt lightheaded and dizzy because he haven't eaten at all that day so he gobbled down the fish and chips and got up to make tea.  
Standing in his kitchen and slowly sipping his tea he heard a loud noise, like a crack coming from outside and before he could even register what was happening he heard his doorbell. As he opened the door he was faced with the pointy face and abnormally large beard of professor Dumbledore. Remus Lupin didn't really trust his old professor he felt bitter with the memory of a false sense of belonging that Dumbledore had created for him, Remus felt grateful for his schooling at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry but still he thought that there was always an ulterior motive for the actions of the great Albus Dumbledore.  
"Remus, I hope I am not disturbing you but it is most urgent we speak" he interrupted Lupin train of thought and walked in the apartment. "Not much of a material man are you?" He transfigured two large armchairs that took all the free space in the room and gestured at Remus to sit. What an arse. "How can I help you professor?" He said trying not to reveal his thoughts. "I am here to offer you a job Remus, we are kind of short staffed at Hogwarts it seems, and there is an opening in the position of Defense against the dark arts teacher." Definitely there's something he wants in return. "but aren't there more experienced candidates on the field? Or at least teachers that are not werewolves? How do you think others will be as pleased to have me as a teacher?" Remus tried to sound puzzled, dumbstruck.  
"Yes.. Well.. Maybe there were better suited people for this but I'm afraid we actually need you.. For you see we have a bit of a problem.. Well how best to express it.. Sirius Black has escaped Azkaban and I am afraid he will come looking for young Harry Potter, do you remember Harry Potter, Remus?". Fuck.. Remus looked for a moment at a box near his bed he used as a nightstand, inside he had stored his memories and his most precious trinkets. "Yes, professor I remember Harry. But still why me?". Well that explains a lot.. "I was hoping that you could protect Harry Potter, so that Sirius Black doesn't get his way." Remus with the second mention of Sirius Blacks name took his mind off Harry and pondered what Dumbledore has been telling him. Realisation hit him hard. "Yes of course I accept professor, I will do anything to ensure Harry's safety, you can count on me." "Thank you Remus" came his old professors reply " and as a show of good faith I have brought you here this " he told taking out of his robes some vials containing the Wolfsbane potion Remus knew too good, enough to get me to September he thought bitterly.  


As professor Dumbledore took his leave Remus did not speak, he did not even move from his place, his previous irony lost. When his door closed, it startled him and he headed towards the bed and the paper box he used as a nightstand and opened the box he stored everything precious he had left, letters from his friends, a double set of keys from his old apartment , a small golden pendant and lastly a pack of photographs. First was a photograph of four young boys standing in front of Hogwarts large oaken doors, the summer sun shining in their faces, not a single worry in the world. He touched first the face of the boy with the glasses smiling and pulling his tongue out for the camera, next to him was the short, fat boy with straw hair looking up to James in awe. A little to the left was young Remus, looking younger, fuller, happier, he seemed so innocent. He dared not look at the face behind him. The next photograph was Lilly's and James wedding, the couple looked at each other affectionately, still Remus dared not look at the face of the man next to them.Then he found what he was looking for, Lily and James were standing smiling, in their feet a young boy riding his toy broom, little Harry, so young, so carefree, Lupin wondered what is like young Harry now, maybe he is reckless and rebellious like James, or maybe he is genuinely good and kind like Lily. He tossed the photograph aside taking another in his hands, and there another face looked at his, lovingly, ginger hair falling in his eyes, a large nose small lips, the most beautiful man Remus had ever seen, "Fabian.." he whispered. He tried in vain to remember how Fabians arms felt around his waist, his smell, how his lips felt against his own. Remus Lupin could not bring himself to cry though, he had long lost the ability to cleanse himself. Leaving the stack of photographs aside he took in his hands the small golden pendant a single word carved on it "yours". In a sentimental rush he brought it close to his lips and kissed it. "They're gone and they're not coming back. Forget them" he repeated to himself.  


Outside his apartment and without Remus knowing stood a large saggy black dog, skinny and dirty watching his movements through the window.


	2. July 1995

Sirius Black was nervous, he had been through a lot of diverse emotions these last two years, but nervous had never been one of those. Then again he was heading towards Remus Lupin’s house and he hasn't seen the man in almost thirteen years now, the one exception being last year on the Shrieking Shack when they rounded on the rat. And this time he was bearing news, bad news.   
He stopped outside his apartment, and stood there as a dog for a while, he remembered when he first got out, and how he was looking at Remus from the same place hidden in the bushes. Back then Remus was not doing so good, the two to three days he watched him he only ever got out to get to work, and the rest of the time he was passing in bed. This time he was also in bed, but with an unknown to Sirius man, who, in a state of shock decided to hide in the bushes until the stranger leaves.   
Three days have passed and the man still hadn’t left, and now Sirius was starting to get impatient, and on edge. Very bad things have happened, he was running for his life, Harry was in danger, and Remus was fucking random muggles for three days straight? And while he was getting all wound up, he heard a loud noise, the building’s door open and out of it the unknown man left. Quickly and as stealthy as he could he snuck in and run up the stairs to Remus appartement, where he transformed to a man after all these days and with as much urgency as he could knocked on the door.   
“What is it Brian??” The door opened and Remus appeared before him in the flesh, Sirius froze, this was different from all the time he passed watching over him, and really different from when they last saw each other a year ago, he was still beautiful though.  
Surprise was also all over Remus’s face, “Sirius, I didn’t know when you would come, come in, come in”. After the door closed behind him Sirius could clearly see the fatigue in his friends face, the sun was setting and light was coming in the appartement, shining in the small space, Sirius could not see a second bedroom, only a small couch and a much smaller room with the mattress on the floor, Remus had jumped to the kitchen part of the living room scrapping something that looked like, cocaine, off the table. “I’m sorry Sirius I didn’t know when you would come, my place’s a mess, you want some tea?” Remus seemed to him disillusioned and now quite clearly high, Sirius sprang to action, “Hey Moony old friend, let me do it” helping fill a rusty kettle that has most certainly seen better days. When heavy knocks on the door startled him, he havent even had the time to change back into a dog when Remus opened the door to reveal behind, for a split of a second the unknown muggle, before Remus jumped quickly outside and closed the door. Sirius finished the tea and served it on two mugs he happened to find in the sink, while cleaning the table in order for them to sit Remus returned, locking the door behind him and making excuses for everything.   
"I see you're quite the heartbreaker old friend, he can’t get enough of you.” Maybe, he thought, with joking he could break the ice a little.   
"Is it true he's back Sirius?" Suddenly the animagus remembered the reason for his visit. All pretence dropped he looked at his friend more serious than ever.   
"He is back in flesh and blood, and worse, Harry was there." He proceeded to tell his friend all the events of last year, from the quidditch World Cup to the triwizard tournament final. When he was over Remus expression had changed to one of true worry, his cup of tea cold still clutched in his hand. "Albus told me to lay low here for a while, I hope I am not inconveniencing you"   
"What? No, not at all. I really expected you but then I lost track of time, you shouldn't have seen that."   
It seemed clear to Sirius that Remus was embarrassed about everything, and that he was beating himself up about it. "It's good to see you finally enjoy yourself Remus, Merlin knows you deserve it"   
The look the werewolf sent him could petrify a basilisk.   
"I am not enjoying myself, and I most certainly do not deserve it. I should have been there to help Harry but instead I'm here biding my time until the great Albus Dumbledore deems me useful again."   
The venom dripping from his words could kill an acromantula on the spot.   
"Look I can't say I'm pleased with everything, but the man knows what he's doing. We have to get in touch with the old gang, he's restoring the order."   
"You mean whoever is still alive, not seriously damaged from the war, and young enough to fight?"   
"Whoever able, Remus" Remus though didn’t even respond, he was just looking at his cup of tea silently, Sirius could see that his friend was not in a good place, he wished he could help his friend, but he too was broken, the previous war had taken a heavy toll in them, and now there was another one in the works.   
Remus got up “We should go to sleep, as you can see there’s not a lot of space but there’s a small couch for you, the bathroom is through the room, dont worry about waking me up” and with that he got into the bathroom and closed the door. When he got out Sirius had already transformed himself into Padfoot and was sleeping on the couch.


	3. July 1995

Remus Lupin was standing at the surface of the moon, before his eyes he could see the earth, like in a pensieve, a battle was raging, he saw Antonin Dolohov leading a group of Death Eaters, he saw twin red hair fighting, a jet of green lightning, he saw Gideon Prewett fall, another killing curse, now Fabian fell. Remus tried to scream but no sound was leaving his mouth. Now the scene changed and he saw the house in Godric's Hollow in smoking ruins, the lifeless bodies of Lily and James Potter being dragged outside by faceless, ministry workers. The scene changed again and now he was standing in the office of Albus Dumbledore, and the headmaster was looking at him with pity, why does it always have to be pity?   
"I'm sorry Remus" the old man said. Remus Lupin tried to scream but he found out he still couldn't.   
He woke up drenched in sweat, turning around he found his bed empty. No wonder you had a nightmare then. He got up and fumbled in his jacket taking out a muggle packet of cigarettes, he went out into the living room, opened the kitchen window and lighted one using his wand.   
"I thought you had stopped smoking"   
Ah yes. Sirius.   
"I had a dream"   
" I guess not one of the good kind?"   
When did I ever had one of those?   
"Can I bum a smoke, seeing as no one is sleeping tonight?"   
"Now I thought you had stopped smoking"   
"Nah, merely postponed smoking, twelve years"   
"I see your humour hasn't left you"   
"I see yours has"   
Now, Remus smiled. He genuinely missed his old friend, he really enjoyed his company and felt like he is the only one to understand him. He wouldn't let this grow on him though. There was a war coming and he couldn't know what this war was going to cost him. Don't grow attached. He felt like he was eleven again and was going for the first time to school, his lycanthropy hidden and he was forbidden by his parents to form any long lasting kind of relationship so as to not reveal his condition. You do this to yourself now. His cigarette finished he threw it out the window, and quickly pulled another one from the packet, he gestured at Sirius to help himself and lighted both their cigarettes with wandless magic. He was in a bad mood.  
"Do you want to tell me what you dreamed of?"   
"Not your best effort of small talk, Sirius"   
"I didn’t think I needed to small talk to you"  
"I saw Fabian's death and Lily and James dead" I hope that shuts you up.   
"But you weren't there when.."   
"No I wasn't I was in Order business, and I came back to find that everyone was dead. DEAD. PETER, JAMES, LILY, FABIAN EVERYBODY DEAD, YOU WERE A TRAITOR AND I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP ANYONE BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS ALREADY DEAD."   
"But now you know who the traitor is Remus" Sirius tried to reason.  
"Yeah and what good will that do? Will it bring our friends back? Will it bring Fabian?"   
"Nothing can bring back the dead, Remus, but we still have to keep living, for their sakes. You're not alone anymore Remus you have me, I'm not leaving you."   
They all said that. "I don't want your pity Sirius"   
"I have no pity for you Remus, only my unending friendship."   
Remus felt arms around him as he was being pulled into a hug by Sirius Black, his own arms falling limply to his side, he raised them and hugged his oldest and only friend back.   
"Let's go back to sleep Sirius" 

***

The day dawned with a newfound optimism for Remus, he got up and stumbled to the kitchen for his morning tea, but instead he found breakfast served and Sirius waiting for him sitting in the table.   
"I was going to wake you up, it was starting to get cold" he mumbled with a piece of toast inside his mouth already. Remus sat and ate silently.   
"I should be the one taking care of you Sirius. I was not the one that spent twelve years in Azkaban."   
Though sometimes I wish I had.   
"No worries my friend, I took a long, much needed vacation after that. Did I mentioned how beautiful was Madagascar?"   
"I guess it was warm"   
"Warm yes, and also breathtakingly beautiful. I swam at white beaches, Remus, I ate exotic fruits, it calmed me more that anything could."   
"You deserved it"   
"I most certainly did"   
After a moment of silence Sirius spoke again.   
"We need headquarters for the order, I thought of someplace"   
"I hope not a cave?"   
“Well it’s close to a cave, Grimmauld place"   
“Why would you want to go back there Sirius?”   
"Think about it Remus, it's unplottable, with the best anti-Muggle wards, after Hogwarts of course, it's practically a secret place by itself. Look it's the only thing I can do for the order at the moment, and Harry can come live with us before Hogwarts, there's even a dungeon for you to change safely"   
"I guess you're right. Have I forgot to mention to you the Wolfsbane potion? I don't need a dungeon anymore"   
“Does that mean you don't need Padfoot anymore?”   
Remus thought he saw a glimpse of disappointment in his friend's eyes, but quickly dismissed it.   
“Of course some company is always welcome Sirius, thanks to the potion I'm able to keep my mind for the transformations, I usually sleep as an overgrown wolf in my bed.”  
“ I guess you dont invite random muggles for sex and drugs these nights?”   
“ I really don't sleep around so much Sirius, you shouldn’t have seen what you saw the other day” Remus looked down in embarrassment.  
“The three day sex marathon or the cocaine?” Sirius interrupted.   
“Both, I just need help sleeping, they help me pass the time, Im not having any good time out of it really.”   
Sirius looked at Remus like he was getting to know him just now, Remus reckoned it was normal, he certainly was not the same man he was twelve years back. He probably wonders where his old friend has been, he's probably disappointed. Silence fell between them as they finished their breakfast, Sirius got up and started cleaning the dishes, Remus slowly finished his tea.   
“I'm going in London tomorrow to check on the house, once I have the wards set up I'm going to send word to you”   
Remus froze. “Wait you're going to London? Alone?”   
“It's the only way, Remus, Merlin knows what my parents have warded the house with, we can't risk it, it's got to be only me, it won't harm me”   
Remus knew not to push things further, he knew the terrors that were housed in number 12 Grimmauld place and he thought better to give Sirius some space, some freedom at last.


End file.
